Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
