She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
