I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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