There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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