You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
