you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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