My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
