exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
