If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
