I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
