u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
