well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
