Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
