you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
