How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
