I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
