Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
