oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
