we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
