omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
