You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
