I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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