Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
