I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
