I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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