don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
