He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
