Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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