I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
