Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
