you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
