Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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