'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
