ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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