His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
