no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
