I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
