I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
