how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
