blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
