hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
