I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
is wine microwaveable?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
