If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
