She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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