Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
