I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
