Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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