cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
