The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
do herpes really smell.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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