He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
