On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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